I’ve grown weary of writing this blog. Going MIA and not writing for a while might be the classier thing to do but, I thought, maybe, writing down how I feel will help me work it out. After all, this blog is about making connections, communicating through thoughts and ideas. In my first post when I re-started this blog ten months ago, I wrote :
“So, why do I want to come on course again after being off it? I am still as baffled, still as clueless about how to connect, still a head of ancient, delete-able ideas, still badly in need of an upgrade to technology for commoners in 2014. But I just thought, what the heck, let’s write. What’s the worst that can happen. I’ll get a pain up my spine. No one will read it. No one will care to connect in our “internetly” way through comments. And maybe that is ok. Maybe this time I’m gonna let that be ok. Maybe I could dare to take some space in the blogosphere… and no one will mind or not mind. That is, hopefully they will mind. That’s the plan anyway.
There, onwards, on course. Of writing. Of opinions. Of connection.”
First of all, I think that post was way better than what I’ve been writing for a while. Sometimes, I am happy with what I’ve written. However, I’ve mostly been unhappy with what I’ve posted in the last few months. I try to keep scheduled days and whether I feel inspired or not, I try to get a post in. When I read that paragraph, I almost sigh at my infinitely nobler ambition for my blog back when I didn’t blog. I didn’t know you could like things, tag, put up pictures that you yourself haven’t made. Blogging is hard if you have any further ambition than to simply write when you want to, whatever you want to, with no regard for, well, anything else. Also, you don’t get read much if that is how you go about it but, wasn’t I only meaning to write for writing’s sake all those months ago?
To be honest, I’ve grown weary in general. I was weary all those months ago too, for different reasons. I was weary for not doing, not making something from the heart, for myself. I was weary for not having reasons to be enthusiastic about something. And so, I started taking revenge for my weariness by making you weary with my enthusiasm. And that is the ying and yang of the internet. I know, I know, some of you are kind enough to think what I write here makes you enthused and not weary but, the general rule of the internet is, close tab the moment it gets boring. Don’t give it a chance, it’s not like a magazine you still have to turn pages for, or a billboard you go by everyday and might eventually read. You are only on the internet to read interesting things, or rather skim through them, as long as they are interesting to you.
And I don’t think I have been writing interesting things. Or, more precisely, I have not been writing interestingly. The subjects I deal with here are all broad enough to elicit interesting opinions by anyone. They aren’t boring, I am. And maybe, I am boring because I am bored. Not that I don’t get ideas anymore or work on them. I have many finished and unfinished essays of an ‘Of’ nature lying around. But, there is something not working in this system and I don’t know how to fix it.
I don’t want to go MIA. You may not understand by the sloppy way in which I conduct this blog but, Of Opinions is important to me. I was thinking of starting another blog, one that would focus solely on books, films and music and be easier to write but, it makes me sad to want to let go of this one. I’ve been writing all my life and I’ve never done anything like this before. Made my rules and written how I feel with no second or third parties telling me what is allowable. No other form of writing offers this sort of opportunity for personal freedom. It is a tremendous personal achievement for me, which I alone and maybe my readers can appreciate. It makes me sad that I cannot relate what it means to me if I mention it at a job interview or at the dinner table. To them it’s just another internet thing. To me, it is a work of love.