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Our Cousin Feeling Crapathetic (Courtesy: Pixabay)

First I thought it was a passing phase and out of nowhere, I found myself singing Daniel Powter. Then, a day turned into a few days. On Saturday I called it a “bad week”, as I shed a few embarrassing and uncharacteristic tears in public transport. Today, it’s ten days. Like any bad meteorologist, I hope my prediction is false when I say, “Seems like Hurricane Crapathy will be with us for a fortnight.”

To be honest, I don’t know what crapathy means exactly. I first learnt about it through D. Parker’s fantastic blog yadadarcyyada (maybe you could explain it to me in the comments, Donna!). I googled it, and as I understand it now, it is apathy amplified. I sure needed a new word to make my usual brand of misery interesting again.

How much worse can it get than eating a Buddy Pack of Lays Classic Salted potato chips (your buddy would have to be a tiny woodland creature to find the shared experience acceptable though) and putting on ‘Relaxing Acoustic Guitar’ on Google Play as you make yourself write a blog post because you need to feel like a human being? And before some of you start spouting socially conscious #firstworldproblems reminders at me, I have to point out I am not a) from the first world, and it is redundant terminology anyway, which if you were actually socially conscious, you would know and b) wallowing in self-pity, which is what I often do, and have considerably constructed this blog over. But, not today.

My mother would say the stars are not aligned in my favour. I posited this theory towards her, and she told me to get on with things. I tried following YouTube suggestions for de-stressing (hence the ‘relaxing’ album from above instead of the Dunkirk OST which I’ve been listening to a lot lately), but they’re all a lot of work. Go Out. Get Sunshine. They don’t say, don’t worry about fresh spit or banana skins on the road, or turning into The Hulk for the benefit of the motorcyclist behind you on the pavement.

Switched to ‘Sad Piano Music’ now, as that Acoustic Guitar album was just too eh, not something I’d voluntarily hear. I’m also out of chips. This blog post still doesn’t seem to be reasonably made, yet. For quite a while, I’ve felt like I can’t make things this way anymore. I like doing the book reviews and the creative writing. But, my “blog-style essays”, or as I’ve always thought of them, my essay-style blogs have sort of fizzled out for me. I can’t reach those muscles in my brain anymore. Those muscles that captured a random thought in the ether of the constant cognitive noise, pruned and polished it a little, and let it out into the minuscule universe of WordPress, to be seen, or not to be seen. I am not crapathetic towards them, towards this. Just wistful.

It would be a big leap for me if I truly believed the stars were to be blamed. I have to have a reason, a rational explanation for everything. More than that, I have to have something to do about it. Blaming is not enough, things need to be worked at. If I have a bad day, I need to work out why, and what I can do to not have it again, which in turn, makes it worse.

God, I had to switch to the Dunkirk soundtrack. I need to have intense, involved. I spend most of my adult life on autopilot anyway, I can’t let that extend to what I do for pleasure. The way out of apathy is not easing out or relaxing. It is feeling, feeling intensely. Truthfully. Like you’re a Romantic poet or a punk rocker, however ludicrous the idea of yourself as either sounds like at this moment.

I’m pretty sure the next few days are going to continue with the, uh, hurricane. I have no coping strategy, apart from a lot of junk food and some promising reading material. And the extraordinary Dunkirk OST (I hope you’d had a sip of your beverage of choice everytime I’ve mentioned the, cue, Dunkirk OST. It is really, really good.). It would also make my day if you would tell me if there is any particular type of content you enjoy on this blog, just so I can have an idea on what to make more of (and to get some reassurance that this blog is enjoyed *winky face at flaccid attempt at humour*).



Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

7 thoughts on “Crapathy

  1. I’m feeling this same emotion right now, especially regarding my blog. The lack of inspiration for music posts is starting to bother me. But last week I took some photos, including a few that I have a feeling will inspire me again, plus we have a long weekend trip coming up to a very peaceful lake which I hope will do the same. As I said before to you, I actually blame this for some sort of era we are in where blogging is not so interesting. I don’t know. Well you know I like all of your posts but I have to say you do have me in hysterics with your more funny posts filled with popular culture references. So yes…more of those please!

    1. I’m jealous of your weekend trip idea, Robert! It’s not like I don’t go on short trips to places people would find inspirational, but I have to be in the right state of mind to be inspired. I’ve just had bad luck lately, and am very nervous about the current work week, and the future in general. I do like watching travel vlogs on YouTube, as watching other people have fun seems to be relaxing too!
      I’d suggest you don’t always need to connect your photos with music and vice-versa. Yes, that is the idea behind your blog, but focusing on one medium can be entertaining as well. It doesn’t even have to be either of the two. You don’t give yourself enough credit as a writer, and perhaps you can shine a light on just that once in a while.😀
      I was thinking of writing more music-inspired short stories! Like I did with The Cure’s “Strange Attraction”. I hope that has enough music references that appeal to you. I don’t know if I can do my essays anymore!

      1. Thanks Amrita! We’re not taking a full vacation this year so this is about all we are going to do. You can look up ‘Lake George’ in upstate NY if you are curious. I think for me, the inspiration comes from doing or going someplace different, even if it is just for a weekend.
        Thank you for that advice, I will take that to heart. I actually have thought about returning to some fiction. I have an idea for another series in ‘The Book’ that requires a specific version of some Agatha Christie. Long story…I’ll tell it when I find the right book!. I sincerely thank you for that generous compliment, and coming from you whom I still find to be one of the best pure writers out there makes it all the more special to me. I loved that Cure post. I think you definitely could do more of that. It was really strong! If nothing else, if you are enthusiastic about that now, just go with it!

      2. You once said you have apologized for apologies before. Now, I’ll say you tend to compliment when you receive compliments! Thank you for your generosity, Robert, and I wish you all the luck both for your trip and for your writing project!

  2. I had heard good things about the Dunkirk film, nice to hear the soundtrack’s quite good too. I can assure you the blog is enjoyed, no special requests here!

    1. Thank you!
      Dunkirk was mostly a silent film, therefore the music had to work. And not only does it pair well with the film, it stands out. Eargasms right from the moment I heard it in the theatre!

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