Posted in Of Psyche

Real Time Ramble: Catching Up

blog-coffee

I’m feeling disturbed researching cults all day for a writing project so I thought, what better time to catch up with my WordPress community? Okay, that is about the lamest, most awkward line I’ve ever opened with here, but the mind works in mysterious ways. If being disturbed is the emotion that spurs me to come and say “hello” on WP for the first time in 2019, so be it. I’m considerably frightened at the moment, how are y’all doin’?

I only wrote thirty posts last year. Compared to a hundred approximately the year before, and with an all-time high of about three hundred in 2015, you can assume I’ve fallen out of love with WordPress. It doesn’t do for me what it used to, and if it weren’t for stephen1001’s weekly music quiz, I wouldn’t have had much use for the WordPress app on my phone at all. I feel slight paranoia in admitting this, but the good people at WordPress are not a cult, and will not hopefully object to my unpleasant honesty. However.

I don’t think I have fallen out of love with WordPress. Or this particular blog.

Nor do I believe it can’t do what it used to do for me.

I don’t think I’ve ever given the potential of having such an online writing community a fair shot. Even in my heydays here. I haven’t done the work, explored all avenues and resources in which this could work for me. Even when I put it on my resume, because that is the sort of thing people do if they have a solid thing going, I could sense my heightened insecurity when talking about it. It wasn’t the medium. It was my writing itself.

Yeah, but that’s not catching up, is it? C’mon Amrita, where’s the part where you relate to us yet another incident when you have your foot in your mouth? That’s why we tune in, you know, to see our favourite joke, for you are it. There’s this way English teachers talk about Shakespeare – there are the tragedies, there are the comedies, some of them are tragicomedies, and by the way, the history plays are tragedies too. And while I do believe that there are some tragedies from which we can elicit no humour, the best comedy is always rooted in the tragic. If pain wasn’t involved, you just wouldn’t laugh at the banana skin slipper.

I’m not saying I’ve lost my sense of humour about myself and so haven’t dropped by. When people were reflecting on their year in December, I did not want to look back even a couple of days because that last month itself was so wretched. And I mean staying under your blanket and not just for the cold kind of wretched. And I couldn’t feel that sense of “re-make/re-model” people feel at the beginning of a new year. I was buried under work for one thing, and it felt like good stress because I didn’t want to think.

And now that I’ve depressed you enough (always deflecting after asking for just enough sympathy, eh?) you might still say, decent human being that you are, well, what do you want to do, Amrita? What will the blog be in 2019? I don’t know. Despite my Zen approach to life, I am a bit of a planner. List-maker. Expector. Strategist. I could do a good job of managing things, as long as it did not involve myself. With myself, it’s almost a comfort I don’t know, for being a realist doesn’t help.

I could plan and list and strategize. Or I could drop by on a whim, which is what I did in 2017. I’m sure I could have new, exciting things to talk about. To question and explore. I believe in curiosity. In questioning. I believe there is no one and nothing whose validity you cannot question. I think more about my toothache than my spirit, and the former probably has more influence on my thoughts and feelings than the latter. Certainty, complacency and stagnancy are the things I fear. There’s a virtue in being fickle, in picking up and absorbing things and moving on once it no longer works for me. Because, it protects me from potentially enforcing ideas on others as a way to not question them myself. For whatever brings a sense of security must be good, isn’t it so?

And yet, change, the ability to discard whatever doesn’t work is the hardest thing to do in the world. Moving house, changing jobs, leaving partners scare you, because you have to consider the possibility that though it may not work for you at the moment, it might be worse if you change. We’re told to hope for the best, but as realists, we have to accept that it is likely to get worse. You are living your future, and it isn’t as ideal as you thought it would be. What guarantees it won’t be so for the future that is to come?

And there is no gaurantee. Of anything. It might all be a hoax, or worse, it might all be true. Here’s to exploring some of those things in the next eleven months and seven days.

In the famous words of Joey Tribbiani, how you doin’?

Author:

Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

9 thoughts on “Real Time Ramble: Catching Up

  1. Interesting point about the best comedy stemming from tragedy.
    One of the great equations I’ve heard is Comedy = Tragedy + Time, an equation I believe is accurate.
    Nice to see an Amrita post in my reader this morning & thanks for the shoutout (and more importantly, thank you for playing each week) too!

    1. I think Woody Allen came up with that. And you know I’m one of your most enthusiastic players!
      I also realised as I was linking your blog that you do reviews as well. God, I have a lot to catch up on!

      1. Not worried about the time it will take at all. I also believe (among my other beliefs that I listed in the post) that anything worth doing, is worth doing well.

  2. I think what you said here is about the best most of us who continue with blogging CAN do right now. Sad I know, yet true. I won’t repeat conversations you and I have had about the vibrancy of WP again, suffice it to say that there is little joie de vivre from the top down. There are times where it feels like the ghost of other websites that fell by the wayside. Myspace anyone? Still I press on. Perhaps in hope it will suddenly become big again and my posts and pages will be vibrant. Now I do still follow excellent bloggers such as yourself and I was so happy to see this post from you. I sent you a check-in email because I hadn’t seen you around. Regardless, I’m still not ready to pull the plug on this though I do admit my attention has waned somewhat.

    1. You should definitely not pull the plug here. It’s a good, solid thing you’ve built, and even if you decide to stop posting for good at some point (hopefully in the far, far future), things tend to live longer on the internet than in real life. It is valuable, and it needs to be preserved.

      I’m sorry I didn’t see your mail. I’ve to go to work now, but I’ll check it ASAP.

      I agree that the community support and interactions have gone down, in lieu of supporting more lucrative businesses. I was laughably hurt to see ads of WP on YouTube featuring big businesses that only have a half a dozen pages or so. If I were making big ads, I’d feature small but prolific bloggers who’ve made businesses out of this, instead of using it as just another platform. But, there’s newer competition, like Google sites, so I guess they need to attract established businesses more so than ever.
      But, that is not the reason I’ve stopped coming here, even to read. I’ve just been preoccupied with life, you know. And because this isn’t work, I don’t want to make a hack job of it. Everything must be sincere.

      1. Yes, I get you. Everything must be sincere. I could probably ramble on about WP and what it was, where it should go, etc, etc but at this point, I’m even past that I think. All I can do is be. To do what I want to do. Trust me, I am not stopping. And even if I did, there is no way I would completely pull the plug. I would have to leave the site in place because of the legitimate joy I know it has brought people. And I know yours has too. Despite the ups and downs, your writing remains one of the best out there on the blogosphere…and beyond. And you should know me by now enough to know that I truly, genuinely mean that!I’m actually working on something that might turn into a series. I’m being cautious about it. I do have some other ideas I am working on creatively that are filling the void between actual published posts, so I have not been completely dormant. Life is …interesting for me now as well, so I do encounter that as well. In any case, it was really good to see you back on my feed. I really am so happy when that happens!

  3. I’m not unhappy with WP, I’m just in a very boring stage of life. With mom gone and my world now revolving around baking and cats…..Yeah, boring. However, it was VERY good to see a post from you today!
    I have blogs on several forums and this one is still the most efficient of the ones I’ve run across. I really really didn’t like Weebly at all…I’m a small town girl and it was like driving a car I couldn’t find the windwiper in when it was raining!

    1. Ah, but baking and cats are the most profound topics out there! I have/do neither, but I’ll click on those faster than anything else. I can talk endlessly about the great British bake off!
      WP is definitely the most user-friendly still. I tried many others too back in the day, and WP is the only one that worked for me. My problem usually is if I work for it!

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