Posted in Of Culturel

Of (NOT) Having One Name

I am shook. This is the sort of information that only (mostly) strangers on the internet could help me process. Because I could not find anyone in my life who cares. People here don’t care either, but I need to let this out in a public way.

I just found out Schmidt’s first name this evening.

I didn’t want to.

I know some of you are thinking, who? The rest of you are thinking, wasn’t that revealed on New Girl over a year ago?

To borrow a catchphrase from another hit TV sitcom, I KNOW.

It was one of the few things I could count on. In life. One of the things I didn’t want to change. But, I guess the show must go on. Hit situation comedies must have there own dramatic reveals to give their fans what they want.

But, I am a fan. I didn’t want this.

Okay, so if you’re still clueless about all this, here’s a little backstory. New Girl is this situation comedy or sitcom if you want to make it short, that aired from 2011-2018. It’s about a quirky, enthusiastic, sentimental female school teacher who moves in with three male roommates after breaking up with her long time boyfriend.

It is also the best possible show capturing the current of millennials in their twenties, but in a non-annoying way because all the characters are slightly older than that generation. They talk fast, they use smartphones, they dress like hipsters and yet, there is something so timeless about everything New Girl is. I refuse to refer to it as ‘was.’

Among the three men our school teacher lead Jessica Day lives with is Schmidt – one of the greatest mononymous pop people that has ever existed. Like Cher, Madonna, Nero, or as the extraordinary actor who plays Schmidt Max Greenfield mentioned, popular recording artist Seal.

You know Madonna’s last name is Ciccone and Cher’s name expands to Sherilyn and I’m sure Emperor Nero and Mr. Seal have other names too, but the whole point of having one name is exactly that – you don’t have to bother with others. It’s enough to make an impact, and that’s what Schmidt’s brand is. He works as a marketing executive in a company called Associated Strategies or “AssStrat” and it’s in that especial abbreviation itself. That’s why the media refers to celebrity couples as compound nicknames, for e.g. the former Brangelina. Brad and Angelina were Titans in their own right, but when combined, the universe lost its mind.

New Girl even featured Prince in one episode. Can we have a better example than Prince for the power of the mononymous name? He even had an unpronounceable symbol for his name at one point. Can you imagine how cool you’d have to be pull that off?

My point is, if you are a mononymous person, appreciate it. I know you aren’t (unless Madonna is reading this. In which case, Ms. Ciccone, great admirer of your contribution to pop culture here), but it is not to be tarnished with other names. I feel so strongly because in an alternative universe (or maybe in a few years time, in this one), I too am an Amrita. Just an Amrita, only an Amrita. I have my reasons. My last name literally means government.


Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

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