Ahem, ah, I’m sorry for barging in on you like this, wasting your precious time, and I haven’t even proved myself to be a totally dependable blogger, so I won’t be promising anything as big as an “I’m back” because I really don’t know if I am but….
I thought you needed an explanation. And at this point, maybe an introduction too.
I haven’t been the most regular poster in recent years. Regularity for this blog meant, at least, one post per week. Some years more, some years less, but I didn’t feel too guilty if I had, at least, one post every month. Think of it as a friend you check in on who is not of Facebook: you’re not going to casually text them or ‘like’ their status updates or photos or whatever it is people do on Facebook these days to believe them to be meaningful, supportive relationships while the rest of us are just cranky, asocial, ‘holier than thou’ curmudgeons with a you-know-what up their you-know-where…but my version of social media for people I don’t know (people I do know don’t read this) is to bare my soul, without context, expecting them to bare theirs, sometimes with context, and get more out of that than I do with most of my exchanges with people. If I did get what I wanted, then we would never have met, never have co-existed in this space at this time. I can’t get no satisfaction, and hence I call myself a writer.
And for the past six months, I’ve kinda, sorta been making films. Okay, that sounds like I’ve made the next 2001:A Space Odyssey or something. No, I joined this weekend course, thinking this might be my only chance to ever learn up close how films are made. And now I’ve kinda, sorta, gone and made two short films, and am trying to make more. It’s all very, very new, very, very scary, but it has meant that all my free time is eaten up by dreaming of and sometimes, making movies.
Not that I prefer it to other forms of writing. I’ve always, always wanted to write a column. You know, a section in a newspaper or a magazine where you have the same guy or gal popping up, talking dependable serious or non-serious stuff, and you look forward to checking up on them. You even remember their names, unlike most of the other writers. You even write to them sometimes, they’re almost a friend to you, maybe as much as Garfield is when you read about him and Odie and Jon Arbuckle every Sunday. I always wanted to experience that from the other side, someone sending out this correspondence to unknown hundreds, and continuing to do so on a weekly basis. This blog has been the closest to that, and no matter where I get in my creative and professional life (and here’s hoping they merge soon enough in some form or other), I want to continue having a website of my own to just talk about what I’ve been thinking lately and get a conversation started.
My life has changed a lot this past year. If I had kept up with the constancy, the dependency that this blog ordinarily provides, I might have coped better with the change. I did write quite a bit, but it was never this sort of writing. And this sort of writing might never make a dime for me (still nowhere near 100 US dollars revenue from Of Opinions the book so that Amazon might finally send me a cheque), but that is no reason for not doing it. I write, because I don’t have the option not to. Thus, keeping practical concerns aside (the word ‘practical’ gets used quite a lot in amateur filmmaking), I simply must write what I feel I must write. And so, this form of writing won’t go away.
You might be curious about the filmmaking thing, and I would love to post about it more. Maybe not the actual work I’ve produced so far, because I’m fairly dissatisfied, but it would be lovely to get to talk about this with you. Believe me, I won’t stop once I get started, but that is why you keep turning up for all these meanderings year after year, don’t you?
What have been up to in your blogging lives?