Posted in Of Life

Of Sleepless Nights

I have done this before. I have written posts that weren’t premeditated, that aimed to capture a mood rather than a line of enquiry into human behaviour. I have been totally missing in action, though not as long as this before. But, now is not the time to cry, as Liam Gallagher would say. Now is the time to find out why.

Especially, when I really do have the time for it. We here in India are on lockdown like the rest of the planet. I’ve been working from home, as some jobs have the privilege to, though it has been highly unstructured and panicky all around. And your girl tends to go quiet when everybody else is losing their mind. She lets panic out of the cage when there’s nobody to bother. Which is why, I’ve been having sleepless nights.

I even try having happy thoughts. What breakfast I could have, what films I could watch, what books I could get to,…all the things I could do so that not a minute of this time is wasted on what would normally be the lethargy of going out into the world. That’s something she has plenty of practice of, just like always carrying hand wash and sanitizer and doing other hygiene things anyway that the WHO is telling people to do. I’m not a “substitute” in this staying safe department, as the other, musical ‘who’ would say. I look pretty neat…cuz I am neat.

I am angry though. For many, many reasons, for which this ain’t the arena. This blog is not a political blog. It is arguably one of the most sincere, meaningful things I’ve done in my life and whether I’m active on it or not, I’ll always protect what it has been for a very long time. I’ll only say this much, I wish some people would try to act responsibly and understand what quarantine means. How they could be putting people’s lives in danger (or their own) by thinking all this is not a big deal. The idea is to be precautionary, not panicky or preachy.

Anyway, that’s my little lecture on something you’ve heard a million times already (and I hope you’re practising it too). It’s been heartbreaking all around, these times we’re living in. My filmmaking thing hasn’t been going very well. Projects have been falling through or getting overly complicated. I was just starting something new, and then this thing became real. My mood has been all over the place before all this became central in our lives, but I still feel strangely optimistic, something I’m prone to doing even in the depths of misery. Just because this is a sleepless night, doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t pick up by the time it’s twilight. It isn’t perfect, but it will do, which is more than you can hope for in times like these.

How are you staying productive these days?



Writer, Blogger, Kate Bush Fanatic

One thought on “Of Sleepless Nights

  1. We’re attempting daily schedules with the kids while attempting to stay productive – some days have been more successful than others of course.
    While not on the subject of productivity, 2 things I’ve enjoyed:
    1) The Live Forever reference in the opening paragraph
    2) Fleabag – finally started watching it (one silver lining of these times is having a bit more time to catch up on entertainment). I remember you recommended it highly & rightfully so, it’s well done!

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